I want you to weep for me.
I want to weep for you.
I want selfishness to die.
I want humanity to never lose empathy, if it's still alive.
I want hypocrisy to die.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
it's official
at 4:14 AM, I really want to drink chocolate milk and watch Wes Anderson movies with Robyn.
then commit really (scene mutual lover suicide)
then commit really (scene mutual lover suicide)
Monday, August 08, 2005
Understanding in a Car Crash
"We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time." - Thursday, Understanding in a Car Crash
Felt that song is a little appropiate, considering the events of last night. I was driving with Jeff to go pick Kira up from her work at Earls when a car pulled out from a parking lot right into us. I veered left to avoid him, but he clipped us (corner to corner contact apparently) sending us skidding to the right, with all our momentum still moving forward. Well, beautiful ol'inertia keeps going as my mother's focus barrel rolls one complete turn, forunately leaving us right side up on our tires. This happened in a span of roughly 3-5 seconds. Fortunetly, Jeff and I were completely fine, kinda in shocked, kinda freaked out about what could've happened, kinda super stoked that we just executed a flawless barrel roll. The car is most likely totalled, and we had to spend a few hours strapped on stretchers with huge neck braces staring up boring ceilings - all precautionary measures. I got a couple scratchers here or there, am still digging out glass from my hair, and probably will be fairly sore in the morning, but other than that, am 100% healthy. I'm really choked that tomorrow's trip to Seattle to visit SPU, shop, and catch (fun to pun) a Mariners game is delayed though. But, with perspective, it's no biggie whatsoever.
Plenty of what if questions pop into my head - what if I was driving my pickup like usual instead of my mom's Focus (kinda random decision), what if the accident had occured after we picked up kira, with her or jeff in the back seat, what if I had been speeding, what if one of us was seriously hurt or worse - and I know we were really fortunate.
Lately, I've been almost bitter(not really the right word) about the privileges I've been gifted for no other reason except for being the result of the situation I was born into. So many things have just been handed to me on a silver platter. I feel somewhat resentful. There is so much suffering, so much pain, so much horror in the world. Why do i get so many gifts? My Grandpa Van Dyke always says that to those that have been given much, much is required, ya know, the whole Spiderman shpeel. I definetly know that pressure to make the most of my oppurtunities and help others. But the world is so unfair: I think 80-90% of who you are is determined by factors you can't control at all. Welp, chalk the gift of safety and health tonight up to these uncontrollable factors. Just another gift that adds on to responsibility I have to really make a difference in solving the problems of society's problems. This is just another reminder that 15-10% I control about the person I am better be full out, just givin' 'er, hardcore helpful and loving to this world. That's so much more important than anything else: my enjoyment, my temporary happines, my desires. After all, the world needs all the love and help it can get.
I hope God is real. He needs to be real.
Felt that song is a little appropiate, considering the events of last night. I was driving with Jeff to go pick Kira up from her work at Earls when a car pulled out from a parking lot right into us. I veered left to avoid him, but he clipped us (corner to corner contact apparently) sending us skidding to the right, with all our momentum still moving forward. Well, beautiful ol'inertia keeps going as my mother's focus barrel rolls one complete turn, forunately leaving us right side up on our tires. This happened in a span of roughly 3-5 seconds. Fortunetly, Jeff and I were completely fine, kinda in shocked, kinda freaked out about what could've happened, kinda super stoked that we just executed a flawless barrel roll. The car is most likely totalled, and we had to spend a few hours strapped on stretchers with huge neck braces staring up boring ceilings - all precautionary measures. I got a couple scratchers here or there, am still digging out glass from my hair, and probably will be fairly sore in the morning, but other than that, am 100% healthy. I'm really choked that tomorrow's trip to Seattle to visit SPU, shop, and catch (fun to pun) a Mariners game is delayed though. But, with perspective, it's no biggie whatsoever.
Plenty of what if questions pop into my head - what if I was driving my pickup like usual instead of my mom's Focus (kinda random decision), what if the accident had occured after we picked up kira, with her or jeff in the back seat, what if I had been speeding, what if one of us was seriously hurt or worse - and I know we were really fortunate.
Lately, I've been almost bitter(not really the right word) about the privileges I've been gifted for no other reason except for being the result of the situation I was born into. So many things have just been handed to me on a silver platter. I feel somewhat resentful. There is so much suffering, so much pain, so much horror in the world. Why do i get so many gifts? My Grandpa Van Dyke always says that to those that have been given much, much is required, ya know, the whole Spiderman shpeel. I definetly know that pressure to make the most of my oppurtunities and help others. But the world is so unfair: I think 80-90% of who you are is determined by factors you can't control at all. Welp, chalk the gift of safety and health tonight up to these uncontrollable factors. Just another gift that adds on to responsibility I have to really make a difference in solving the problems of society's problems. This is just another reminder that 15-10% I control about the person I am better be full out, just givin' 'er, hardcore helpful and loving to this world. That's so much more important than anything else: my enjoyment, my temporary happines, my desires. After all, the world needs all the love and help it can get.
I hope God is real. He needs to be real.
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